Monday, January 26, 2009

Meeting the Coditions of Kyoto

At this party, its just one big surprise after another. I am, of course talking about the global recession party, and not only is everyone is invited, but everyone is participating as well, a fact that will not go unnoticed by organizers of the Kyoto protocol. Nothing is worse than the Kyoto boys throwing a bash, receiving more than 165 RSVP's, but only having 22 joining in on the fun.

Some of the notable countries to attend the global recession gala event include Iceland and Russia. Iceland is of course recognized as the Kyoto's 55th country signatory country. So devoted to reducing their carbon footprint and realizing that economic growth is directly tied to carbon production, they recently decided to devalue the Icelandic Krona by two thirds, nationalized their three largest commercial banks, and decreased their industrial productivity from 4th highest on the planet to that of a third world country. They, however, saved themselves from getting into real trouble by maintaining a fleet of whaling vessels despite the international ban on commercial whaling. In fact Icelanders cheer themselves up by saying to one another "As bad as it is, at least we are not being harpooned and being ground up into dogfood."

While Russia's signing of the Kyoto protocol was as important as Iceland's, (Their signing pushed the total carbon production of signatory countries over the 55% of global emissions) their path to reducing their carbon footprint required some innovative thinking. Even though the collapse of the former Soviet Union in 1991 reduced their industrial output and corresponding carbon emissions to levels 40% below their 1990 levels in their first year, and by November 2004 when they actually ratified Kyoto that they never had a hope in hell of even reaching their 1990 levels by the time Kyoto was to expired in 2012, Russia, being the responsible global citizens that they are, decided that they must do more to save the world from a fiery death. So they ramped up biofuel production. Unfortunately, the plan failed to work because Russian officials neglected to indicate on the ethanol barrels that this liquid was not intended for human consumption.

Following the lead of these two administrations, the entire world has joined together to fight climate change by reducing industrial capacity. Even the United States has joined in by increasing unemployment to over 7% to prevent global warming. Laugh if you want, but they are Americans are driving 10% less than last year. At this rate of fuel reduction, when unemployment reaches 60%, driving in the United States will be completely eliminated, and carbon emissions will be reduced enough to for U.S. for to meet conditions of the Kyoto protocol!!

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