Monday, February 16, 2009

A Fool and His Money

Well its just come down the pipe at the BBC that Tony Blair has won the $1,000,000 Dan David prize for his contribution to social welfare marking Tony's "foresight, exceptional intelligence and steadfast determination"

Praising his role in the Northern Ireland's peace process and his "steadfast determination and morally courageous leadership" over Kosovo Mr. Blair's is hailed on the Dan David laureate' website as one of the most outstanding statesman of our era.

Unfortunately the Dan David laureate website failed to mention that Tony Blair was George Bush's right hand man when the two cohorts launched an unprovoked attack on an independent sovereign nation that cost Great Britain 178 war casualties and billions of dollars of taxpayers money not to mention the tens of thousands of Iraqi civilian casualties. The website also failed to notice that Tony's war on Climate Change has left Great Britain not only bankrupt, but with rotating blackouts as the race to meet the conditions of the Kyoto protocol, trumped any secondary consideration like keeping the economy going.

But that was probably just an oversight on the Dan David's awards selection committee.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

California's Budget has Been Terminated

Arnold Schwarzenegger has had some tough acting roles in his life, but probably his most difficult character he ever has had to portray has been "Fiscally Responsible Administrator" in the never ending movie "Governor of California". Despite efforts by the California State Legislature to help Arnie understand that being Governor is a reality show and not a science fiction movie, it seems that his obsession of becoming carbon neutral through the development of alternative energy programs at the expense of just about everything else that the state oversees is a situation that even a cyborg assassin cannot blast himself out.

According to Mark Paul, the former deputy treasurer of California, and now deputy editorial page editor at the Sacramento Bee newspaper, the state is "headed to a financial Armageddon" So dire is the California balance sheet that in order to make up the 19 billion dollar deficit by tax cuts alone, the state would have to close its entire public university system, end welfare payments, and eliminate all sate funding for the developmentally disabled, for mental health and all in- home supportive services.

But there is a method to Arnie's madness. He acutely aware that carbon dioxide production is directly linked to both gross domestic product and population. As both of demographics these wither away to nothing, he'll be able to phone up the IPCC boys and tell them "I was the first American state to reduce our carbon dioxide emissions to 1990 levels" Unfortunately he have to tell the people of California that he also reduce the economic prosperity and population levels to 1990 levels.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Meeting the Coditions of Kyoto

At this party, its just one big surprise after another. I am, of course talking about the global recession party, and not only is everyone is invited, but everyone is participating as well, a fact that will not go unnoticed by organizers of the Kyoto protocol. Nothing is worse than the Kyoto boys throwing a bash, receiving more than 165 RSVP's, but only having 22 joining in on the fun.

Some of the notable countries to attend the global recession gala event include Iceland and Russia. Iceland is of course recognized as the Kyoto's 55th country signatory country. So devoted to reducing their carbon footprint and realizing that economic growth is directly tied to carbon production, they recently decided to devalue the Icelandic Krona by two thirds, nationalized their three largest commercial banks, and decreased their industrial productivity from 4th highest on the planet to that of a third world country. They, however, saved themselves from getting into real trouble by maintaining a fleet of whaling vessels despite the international ban on commercial whaling. In fact Icelanders cheer themselves up by saying to one another "As bad as it is, at least we are not being harpooned and being ground up into dogfood."

While Russia's signing of the Kyoto protocol was as important as Iceland's, (Their signing pushed the total carbon production of signatory countries over the 55% of global emissions) their path to reducing their carbon footprint required some innovative thinking. Even though the collapse of the former Soviet Union in 1991 reduced their industrial output and corresponding carbon emissions to levels 40% below their 1990 levels in their first year, and by November 2004 when they actually ratified Kyoto that they never had a hope in hell of even reaching their 1990 levels by the time Kyoto was to expired in 2012, Russia, being the responsible global citizens that they are, decided that they must do more to save the world from a fiery death. So they ramped up biofuel production. Unfortunately, the plan failed to work because Russian officials neglected to indicate on the ethanol barrels that this liquid was not intended for human consumption.

Following the lead of these two administrations, the entire world has joined together to fight climate change by reducing industrial capacity. Even the United States has joined in by increasing unemployment to over 7% to prevent global warming. Laugh if you want, but they are Americans are driving 10% less than last year. At this rate of fuel reduction, when unemployment reaches 60%, driving in the United States will be completely eliminated, and carbon emissions will be reduced enough to for U.S. for to meet conditions of the Kyoto protocol!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

I Was Just Kidding About Eastern Bastards Freezing in the Dark

I saw the footage from the CN tower on tv this evening, that showed more than a neighbourhood or two completely blacked out. Included to the blackout was a portion of the famous TTC subway system, that unfortunately just cannot run without electricity. To make matters worse it all happened on one of the coldest days of the year.

Forgive me for saying that the eastern bastards should freeze in the dark in a previous posting. Its not like I was praying for that to happen or anything, it just that sometimes crap hits the fan. In fact I know what its like to lose power in a cold spell, fortunately for me out here on the ranch, I always make sure that theres a plan B and plan C in place so that the pipes and my rear end don't split in the cold.

The point that I am trying to make is that the misery level tends to be inversly proportional to the thermometer reading in Canada in both the summer and winter, but especially in the winter. While one cold snap does not prove that global warming is over, it does make one wonder, who in Canada, besides David Suzuki who would ever want to reverse the global warming process.

Maybe we should poll Dr. Suzuki's neighbours in lotus land now that both Vancouver and Victoria experienced their most brutal winter in decades. The question would read "If you knew that David Suzuki was single handedly responsible for reversing global warming that caused this snow, would you kick his ass?"

Maybe the answer is for every one in the lower B.C. mainland is to save a freezer full of snow in case there is a shortage for the 2010 olympics!